When I was 14...

...My grandmother had a stroke recently and almost passed away. After she began to recover, I got a chance to speak to her on the phone. Her voice was slurred and I had to remind her of my name. No matter - it was still her voice, her intonations. I asked her how she was doing, she said “Ok,” pause, “I wish I was fourteen again.” I said, “I wish I was fourteen again too, Nana,” and we shared a rueful laugh.
I began thinking - what was I like at 14?
I turned 14 at the beginning of my freshman year of high school. The previous year I had attended the high school for one class – walking across the fields and down the side streets in all weather. It was nerve-wracking to go to the high school that year, but I wanted the class enough to endure the exposure of all of the open doorways. It was particularly stressful walking down those halls in between classes – when the surge of students around me was unknown, impersonal and potentially threatening.
So, when I started at the high school that fall, I was relatively familiar with the layout of the school and the general atmosphere. My excitement was high, I had always felt that high school was going to be a wonderful experience.
In fact, freshman year was a very good year. Of the main things I remember – were two plays: Agnes of God and Little Mary Sunshine.
In Agnes of God, I was Agnes as a singer but I did not come in front of the audience. I sang my religious hymns and chants a capella from backstage – so that the main actress could concentrate on all of the lines that she had to learn. It was a lovely experience, and has endeared me to this type of music – even though I am not a particularly religious woman.
For Little Mary Sunshine, a melodrama musical, I was one of the 3 or 4 chorus girls, singing and dancing in a lot of different numbers. I loved going to the rehearsals and learning the songs, the steps, talking with the other performers as we waited for the main characters to learn their parts. I still remember the songs: “You’ve got to hand it to Little Mary Sunshine. Little Mary has a smile for everyone.” or “Mata Hari, Mata Hari – oh what a wicked girl was she! That’s the kinda girl I want to be!” But most of all I remember developing a serious crush on my dancing partner, K. He was funny, smart, had nice eyes, and he thought I was cute too. He wrote me poems and took me out to parks to sit and talk. It seemed ideal to me, but then again – I was always mature for my age. While I was comfortable, I think that the difference in age made him very uncomfortable. Over the years we’ve corresponded a bit and lately I’ve been wondering how he is doing. Maybe someday I’ll find out – maybe he has a 14 year old child now. Who knows?